I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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