When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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