I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
