I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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