Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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