I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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