Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize