i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
