I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
