Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
