I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
