i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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