you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
