absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
