And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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