I've blown a few things in my day
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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