my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
