omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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