time to smoke my breakfast
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
