We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
