I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize