i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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