I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize