No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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