I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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