why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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