This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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