if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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