I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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