Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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