guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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