just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
