So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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