Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i love accidental penises.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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