Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
