Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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