Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think my fart just growled at me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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