oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
