when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
