listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
