Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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