community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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