So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
