Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ttyl tear gas
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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