I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
