Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
