He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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