He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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