why didn't you poke me back
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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