if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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