Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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