break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
