He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
