Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
