Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
