My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were trust falling into bushes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
