So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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