Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
