I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
