Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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