I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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