I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
