I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
