Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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